Ive never been unhappier pdf download

I have nothing to sell. How many times must I try to become another and fail? I saw him [Smokey] die. I held him as he stopped living. The realization came that if he can go, then so can I. And I will. What is that? How is that? Surely this is all a joke. I can put it in a box. Age 25 When you agree to create, you agree to destroy.

No one ever mentions that. Infinity allows for infinite ends. It feels like I end every single day. Does nothingness exist? This is why people accept God.

Because you have to tell yourself something. What happened to the little girl I was? When did she die inside me? How do I resurrect her? What could that girl have grown to be? Age 26 My mind is an animal I cannot control. I feel starved for real human contact. I fixate on people I barely know without even the slightest provocation. I expect transcendence.

I expect permanence. I expect to be proved wrong. All that has gone on in the world, all that is going on, why should how I feel be anything at all? My feelings are evolutionary collateral damage.

Age 27 Self-destruction is the only way forward. I want to separate. To isolate myself from everyone around me. I want to stop being looked at.

I want freedom from the concern of people. Freedom from their love. This broken. This watched. I want out right now. No more. Not one more second of it. But I want it. The lifestyle I enjoy is not one I worked my way up to through hard labour, and a lot of the opportunity afforded to me comes from groundwork that was painstakingly laid by my parents.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was eighteen-years-old, after already having lived with it for many years. It took me a long time to understand the nature of the illness I was living with since as a condition, depression is particularly stigmatized in Indian society and not to mention widely misunderstood in general. So before I lay bare my own experience, I think it is of vital importance to clear up these misconceptions and understand what depression really is. Depression is a common mood disorder and a serious medical illness.

There are many types of depression and they vary in source. All depressive disorders, no matter their type or cause, will negatively affect how you feel, think and act. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association, depression is largely split up into two categories: major depressive disorder, and persistent depressive disorder or dysthymia.

Both forms of disorders cause sadness, low moods and feelings of hopelessness but the difference between them lies in the severity and duration of the depressive episodes. A person with major depressive disorder will have a sad or depressed mood that lasts anywhere from two weeks to a number of months.

Persistent depressive disorder, on the other hand, is a chronically depressed mood that lasts for at least two years or longer. Depression is a complex disease, and while its exact causes are under scrutiny, it is speculated to occur in individuals for many reasons.

In some cases, depression can occur because of biological factors such as genetic predispositions, hormonal changes including menopause, childbirth or thyroid problems and differences in biochemistry an imbalance of naturally occurring substances called neurotransmitters in the brain and spinal cord.

In other cases, depression is caused by psychological factors, severe life stressors, substance abuse and certain medical conditions that affec t the way your brain regulates your moods. To add to considerations of complexity, the symptoms, intensity and experience of depression vary from person to person such that it manifests differently in different individuals.

Unlike other chronic illnesses such as diabetes or autoimmune disorders, depression is not consistent with its symptoms. Some people sleep too little, some sleep too much, some lose their appetite, others binge-eat, some manage to function in their day-to-day lives while others are completely consumed and debilitated by it.

Depression is not a one-size-fits-all illness, and the diversity of its markers makes it that much harder to identify. The absence of physical symptoms traditionally associated with disease makes it difficult for some to appreciate the seriousness of the condition.

We ask that a person pay a price before we allow them to hurt. Such misconceptions are dangerous, with lasting consequences. My belief that they contribute to worsening the symptoms of depression and preventing people from getting the help they need is the reason I chose to write this account of my experience.

The reactions I received when I told people I was writing a book on depression only confirmed what I felt—a handful were enthusiastic but most were instantly uncomfortable, many of them seeing it as unnecessary oversharing.

Sanjiwan Pradhan. Download PDF. A short summary of this paper. I have never been unhappier by Shaheen Bhatt not only educates about depression but also enlightens about life.

In many ways, it is more than a memoir. By Sanjiwan Pradhan Dr. Bruce Lipton an American developmental biologist says that a fetus is highly influenced by what -would be mother eats, feels and behaves during her pregnancy.

When the mother is happy, so is the fetus. When the mother is in fear, so is the fetus. This helps us to understand that the give and take between a fetus and would-be mother ultimately shape her would-be child in both physical and psychological levels: a happy mother during her pregnancy lets a gush of Dopamine flow into the fetus, propelling her would-be child to lead a happy life.

Stress hormones such as cortisol pass into the fetus if the would-be mother feels stressed during her pregnancy. This makes easy for us to understand that if —just a tinge of suicidal feeling surfaces into the mind of a mother during her pregnancy, it automatically goes right into the fetus. Consequently, the child learns to feel suicidal for no visible or valid reason.

What feelings her mother juggled during her pregnancy? Were there any causes that created such effects in the life of Shaheen. We are clueless. Perhaps, we must patiently wait for another memoir of her mother. Subconscious Programming by her parents. Early in her teens Age 13 , Ms. Shaheen writes in her journal about her parents' expectations and her failure to meet that expectation. This unreasonable expectation programs her subconscious, causing it to create a belief system — I am no good.

This seems to be the reinforcement on to anything that might have happened before it. We create a belief system when something negative or positive happens in our life repeatedly. As she grows up, she keeps on writing about her gloomy feelings. However, this habit does not help her. Instead, it pushes her more and more into the abyss of suicidal feelings and a few unsuccessful attempts too.

Society reinforces her preexisting inferiority complex She recalls a disturbing incident when she was requested to move away from the frame of a camera so that the photographer could take a picture of Alia Bhatt and Puja Bhatt, the then superstar. This made her feel that she did not fit into the frame that Alia and Puja were more beautiful than her. This impacted her on a far deeper level.

News article teaches her about suicide. This is where I would humbly like to call the attention of reporters and news writers if they have accidentally stumbled upon this review.

What and how you write makes a difference. The moment you have the awareness about the negative impact your reporting may cause, you won't report it negatively.

You will do it only if you are a ruthless newsmonger —devoid of human sentiments. In the book, Ms. The article suggested that the young girl, whose life had ended tragically and prematurely, was now free. By committing suicide, one never gets freedom. Instead, it ends all the freedoms one can enjoy while one is alive.

You may have to face pain and go through some unexpected struggles in life. As a return, you will also have something beautiful-an immense growth in you, a better understanding of life, and a discovery of your load-bearing capacity. What else can grant you this —except pain and struggle?